Gran, 100, is Nintendo queen

Game girl ... Kathleen, who turned 100 last week, with her Nintendo DSSWNS .comBy STAFF REPORTERPublished: Today at 12:19

A GRAN who just celebrated turning 100 has revealed her secret to staying sharp in old age — she's an avid GAMER.

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Instead of knitting or playing bingo, young-at-heart Kathleen Connell — known as Kit — spends at least two hours a day playing her Nintendo DS.

And the gran-of-one uses the console so often she even wore her first one out and had to replace it.

Kit, who turned 100 last Friday, said: "It's absolutely super, I don't feel a day over 80.

"I'll play it in the evening, then I'll have a break and a cup of tea, then I'll go back to playing my Nintendo.

"If there's nothing on the television I'll sit for an hour or two and try my hand on a game.

"I can't speak highly enough of it. I don't know what I would do without it."

 

Video: Meet world's oldest gamer

100-YEAR-OLD woman likes nothing more than playing her Nintendo DS

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Kit has a stack of ten games — including Brain Trainer, Scrabble, Family Fortunes and Art Academy — and spends her evenings solving puzzles and painting pictures.

And according to Brain Trainer the spritely centenarian has a mental age of 64.

Kit's daughter Pam Stewart bought her mum the first console for her 96th birthday and says she has been stunned how easily her mother has taken to gaming.

She added: "I'm very proud of the way mum keeps active after all those years. It certainly keeps her sharp."

 

Young at art ... Kathleen plays a painting game as well as doing puzzlesSWNS .com

 

Kit, who lives in Thornliebank, East Renfrewshire, manages to live alone despite having had both legs amputated.

 

 

 

She said: ""When I got the first leg amputated I had to have a transfusion of two pints of blood and after that I began to feel younger.

"It must have been the young blood I was given and I told the doctors how much better I felt.

"The Nintendo has been a great help to me, it's absolutely amazing. If there's any secret to a long life it's to think positive and keep your mind active."

9-year-old Emily was given an assignment in school to write a story on "My family's ancestors" The purpose was for the kids to understand their heritage.

In search of some answers for her assignment Emily proceeded to interview her grandmother who was not aware of the reason for Emily’s questions.

When she asked her grandmother, "Granny, where did I come from," her grandma being quite nervous about talking with a kid about such a touchy subject in the absence of her parents wanted to buy some time and replied, "Well, sweetie, the stork brought you." Hoping that the subject would be dropped until Emily's parents came back she said no more.

"So, where did Mom come from?"

"The stork brought her also."

"Well, then where did you come from?"

"The stork brought me too, sweetie."

"All right, thanks, Granny."

Emily's grandmother did not think anything more about this incident until three days later when she was tidying up and looking at Emily’s desk, read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations there have been no natural births in our family."

 

I am from Germany and I have to say one thing about this article about the German couple who moved to Britain in the mid 1990's...Being at their age, Germans have a dry sense of humor when it comes to stuff like that. When I am called a Nazi because of me being from Germany, I laugh it off because it doesn't bother me one bit. One thing people have to understand insults don't bother me at all. I am not a Nazi because I am not from the 1930's and 1940's....I am a child of the mid 1960's. So how can I be a Nazi or alike? Makes no sense to me. Perhaps people say things like that to provoke me in which I cannot be provoked so easily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A MATHS teacher put his German neighbour through four years of "hell" by blaring out the themes to Dad's Army, Dambusters and Rule Britannia, a court heard.

Geoffrey Butler, 54, is accused of racially harassing Reinhard Wendt and his wife Kathryn by playing wartime classics, doing a Nazi salute and broadcasting one of Winston Churchill's speeches towards their home.

The Wendts moved to the sleepy village of Lower Upnor, Kent, in 2007 and soon fell out with Butler over a land dispute.

The row quickly exploded into a series of claims of racist insults, provocation and even assault, Medway Magistrates' Court heard.

Mr and Mrs Wendt claim Butler racially harassed them by playing wartime classics and performing the salute towards them.

He is accused of whistling and playing the patriotic music, including Vera Lynn songs, staring at his neighbours and making pointless complaints about them.

Butler, a teacher of 28 years whose family served in the RAF, denies the four-year hate campaign.

The court heard he told officers: "I haven't been doing this. It may happen on the odd occasion, whatever. Was it illegal? It wasn't. I don't see anything wrong with Dame Vera Lynn. I come from an RAF family."

But Mr Wendt, 62, told magistrates he was having nightmares and said: "It was like waterboarding, after a while a little whistle was enough. It let me know he was there and watching me."

Social worker Mrs Wendt, who broke down in tears giving evidence, said: "It made me feel nervous and intimidated and I didn't want to go out into my back garden any more.

"I just want to live a peaceful life. I haven't looked for this trouble, I haven't asked for this trouble and I don't want to be here."

Mr Wendt, who moved to Britain from Germany in 1999, accused Butler of whistling the war tunes and playing them from his car stereo regularly since 2007.

 

'Tormented' ... the WendtsFERRARI PRESS AGENCY

 

The songs included Vera Lynn's White Cliffs of Dover, wartime hit Maybe It's Because I'm a Londoner and the Colonel Bogey March from Bridge On the River Kwai.

He also claimed Butler would pretend to be on his ***** next to the garden fence and talk loudly about Nazis.

The court also heard how Butler would stand on his garage roof to stare at the Wendts, but Butler said he was sunbathing as his garden was too shady.

Events came to a head last April when the Wendts claimed they were sitting in bed and saw Butler taking a picture of them through the window, which Butler denied.

 

Don't panic ... the cast of classic sitcom Dad's Army

 

Five days later, when police were due to interview the feuding neighbours, the Wendts claimed they arrived home to see Butler in his kitchen making a Nazi salute, mimicking a Hitler moustache with his fingers and shouting.

Mr Wendt said he was "jumping about like a madman" but Butler told officers: "I find it grossly offensive, why would I do that?"

Butler, whose trial has been adjourned for two months because it did not finish on schedule, has been out of work since his arrest.

 

 

He told the court: "I had a job offer for this term, but as soon as this case was mentioned it was withdrawn.

"As a teacher I am subject to enhanced checks which mean unproven allegations can still be mentioned."

Butler was questioned on suspicion of assault after an incident between him and Mr Wendt on July 30, 2007, but no charges were brought.

He will give evidence on March 19, when he is expected to deliver a catalogue of accusations against the Wendts.

If found guilty he could face up to two years in jail.

I worked in technical support at Silicon Graphics about 20 years ago, and I was part of the group that was first in line to handle problem calls. Oh, joy. Being only eighteen at the time, my experience in the field of technical support was somewhat limited, but I could still handle my own.

Now, as you may or may not know, SGI sells top of the line computers used in many different industries. On average, they're about three times as expensive as personal PCs and are meant to be used by professionals in the industries they're used in.

Anyway, the following call came in:

• Customer: "I just received an Onyx yesterday, and I tried to set it up today and it doesn't work."
• Tech Support: "It just doesn't boot up?"

• Customer: "It doesn't even turn on. I see nothing on the screen, and the fan doesn't even turn on in the back of the system."
• Tech Support: "Is the monitor functioning? Is there a little green light in the lower right corner of the monitor?"
• Customer: "Yes, there is."
• Tech Support: "Ok, is the computer plugged in?"
• Customer: (irritated) "Look, I think I know how to set up a system. I'm a college graduate, you know."

• Tech Support: "Ok, let me finish typing up this report, and I'll send it off. You will get a reply within one business day."
• Customer: (exasperated) "Thank you. Geez, I mean I paid a huge amount of money for this computer. The least you people can do it make sure it works before sending it to me!"

• Customer: "I mean, to add to the poor quality control, you even sent me one extra power cord."
• Tech Support: "One extra cord?"
• Customer: "Yes, it looks just the one I used to plug in the monitor and computer, but that's all you sent to me. I have no use for this other one."

At this point, I thought I should inquire a little more...but use a bit of tact to do so.

• Tech Support: "Sir, can you double check the serial number on the back of your computer?"
• Customer: "On the back of the computer?"
• Tech Support: "Yes, sir."
• Customer: (sigh) "All right, all right, hold on..."

I heard a few muffled grunts as he crawled over his desk to see the back of the computer. He repeated the serial number from the sticker. I didn't bother to verify it.

• Tech Support: "Thank you, sir. Oh, by the way, can you check to see if the computer is plugged in?"

Dead silence. I could just picture the man's face when he realized that the computer was never plugged in in the first place and that the "extra" power cord he was holding in his hand was for the computer. I didn't wait for a response from him. I thanked him for calling, hung up, and closed the case.

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only what you are expecting to give — which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving.

Do not be critics, you people, I beg you. I was a critic and I wish I could take it all back because it came from a smelly and ignorant place in me, and spoke with a voice that was all rage and envy. Do not dismiss a book until you have written one, and do not dismiss a movie until you have made one, and do not dismiss a person until you have met them. It is a f@*$%load of work to be open-minded and generous and understanding and forgiving and accepting, but Christ, that is what matters. What matters is saying yes.

A very depressed looking customer goes into a bar and declares, "Bartender, please help me. I can't take this anymore."

The bartender pours him a stiff drink and asks, "What's bothering you sir?"

"Well, bartender, I'm 30 years old and I am having no luck finding love. No matter what I do, I only manage to frighten women away."

"Don't worry, sir, your problem is not serious. I see it everyday working here. All you have to do is to develop a stronger sense of self-esteem. To do that you must go to your bathroom mirror every morning right after you wake up. Look at your reflection in there and say to yourself, "I am a good guy, a fun guy, and an attractive guy". If you say this with absolute certainty and confidence, in just one week women will love you and begin flocking to your side.

The man is happy with this assessment and leaves the bar after paying his tab eager to try out the bartender's advice and find love. Three weeks later, however, he goes back to the same bar looking every bit as depressed as before.

"What?s the matter, sir, wasn't my advice effective?" asks the bartender.

"Oh, it was very effective. During the past three weeks I've had some of the best times in my life with the most attractive women I've ever met."

"I don't understand. What's your problem then?"

"Oh, I don't have a problem anymore," the man says. "My wife's the one with the problem now."

The troubled singer, 45, confessed to The Sun days after being plunged into the depths of despair: "I took an overdose."

But she said: "God obviously wants me around — though I can't think why."

Sinead, who lives in Co Wicklow, Ireland, told of her hell after issuing a desperate plea for psychiatric help — via *******.

Her message begged: "Does anyone know a psychiatrist in Dublin or Wicklow? I'm really unwell — and in danger."

She took the overdose last Thursday in Los Angeles. After later being treated in an Irish hospital for a broken ankle she almost tried to kill herself AGAIN two days ago.

The mum of four got married a month ago — but split from hubby Barry Herridge, 38, after 16 days. They were reunited last week.

Sinead said of her ******* plea: "I just had to make a cry for help."

9-year-old Emily was given an assignment in school to write a story on "My family's ancestors" The purpose was for the kids to understand their heritage.

In search of some answers for her assignment Emily proceeded to interview her grandmother who was not aware of the reason for Emily’s questions.

When she asked her grandmother, "Granny, where did I come from," her grandma being quite nervous about talking with a kid about such a touchy subject in the absence of her parents wanted to buy some time and replied, "Well, sweetie, the stork brought you." Hoping that the subject would be dropped until Emily's parents came back she said no more.

"So, where did Mom come from?"

"The stork brought her also."

"Well, then where did you come from?"

"The stork brought me too, sweetie."

"All right, thanks, Granny."

Emily's grandmother did not think anything more about this incident until three days later when she was tidying up and looking at Emily’s desk, read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations there have been no natural births in our family."

Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?

A: Look in the library-------under Romantic Fiction.

Q: How can a guy cope during his wife's menopause?

A: By staying busy. If you're mechanically inclined, you can remodel the garage. When you are finished you will have a flat in which to live.

Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?

A: She should tell him she's with child.

Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?

A: Don't wear a brassiere. The additional hanging "weights" will take out the wrinkles.

Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?

A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.

Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?

A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.

Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?

A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon

Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?

A: On top of their heads.

Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?

A: 'Gee, I have one of these.'

 A priest, in urgent need to use the bathroom, walks into a local bar. The bar is jumping with loud music and lively conversation, but every few minutes the lights abruptly go off. Every time the lights go off, the bar crowd bursts into loud whoops and applause, but when they see the priest enter the bar, the place becomes absolutely quiet.

The priest walkks over to the bartender and ass, "can you please tell me where the bathroom is?"

"Sure, but I have to tell you, father, there's a statue of a naked woman in it and she's wearing only a fig leaf."

"No problem, I'll just avert my eyes, then," said the priest. 

The bartender then shows the priest to the far side of the bar where the bathroom is located. After a shirt while, the priest comes out of the bathroom and the bar crowd pauses only long enough to give him a rousing cheer. Perlexed he goes over to the bartender and asks, I'm puzzled. Why did they cheer for me as I came out of the bathroom just now?"Well, father, it's because your curiosity has made you human and likeable, just like us," said the bartender. "May I pour you a drink?" "No thank you, but I'm still puzzled," said the priest. 

"You see, father," chuckles the bartender, "every time somebody moves the fig leaf on the naked woman statue, the bar lights go off. Now, what do you say to that drink?"

 A school boy aged 10 has been arrested over a vicious attack on two middle-aged women teachers. One victim suffered a broken leg and a sucpected dislocated kneecap and the other sustained facial injuries at the school.

The teachers, both in their 50s, were taken to hospital by ambulance following the alleged assault in Orpington, South East London, at 1pm on Thursday. 

Staff called police who arrested the 10-year-old pupil on suspicion of causing grievous bodily harm. 

The boy was taken to a nearby police station and questioned by specially-trained officers in the presence of an adult. He was bailed until the middle of next month. 

 

What is getting to in to these kids nowadays? Crazy really!