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Moving On

Posted: 20 February 2012 - 3 comment(s)[ Comment ]

Why have you left me?

That question was left unanswered years ago.

But as the ship docks, she gave my most awaited answer.

For being weak, I guess that justifies everything.

I was then a weakling,

Perhaps worst than you are

Things cannot be obviously carried out

Without the strength of one.

With nothing left but memories in heart,

I humbly step off, trying to steady my feet.

Moving on to uncertainty...

Where tomorrow will be full of surprises.

My Adonis

Posted: 2 January 2012 - 0 comment(s)[ Comment ]

As the rain drops from the sky

I felt so cold and empty.

Trying to find a comfort from within,

I tried chanting the best mantra to stop the rain.

But it seems now, everything is not working

The rain continues to pour like angry falls

Thunder and lightning appear

Leaving me unguarded and fragile

As I move with discomfort

I felt the dampness of my face

The rain clouded my eyes

Letting me see only a hazy view

With the only hope I have from within

I struggle to wipe the water in my eyes

Hoping and wishing to see my sexy Adonis

That I once had and owned

As the silence of the dawn embraces me

Loneliness and depression consume me

The silent sobbing of the rain echoes

I tried to smile to lighten up my fate

Praying that this rain is not that bad after all

It washes the dirt in my eyes

For me to see what is beyond that hazy view

And I know that it will be you – MY ADONIS.

Just This Once

Posted: 2 January 2012 - 1 comment(s)[ Comment ]

I am no longer scared.

It doesn’t matter to me if you don’t care.

I just want you to know what I feel…

And that this feeling is real.

This maybe wrong and unfit,

But what else can I do?

But to accept what people will say as I sit

Waiting for you to say, “I do.”

I’ve been a saint for awhile

Thinking and feeling responsible for others.

Can I have this time for once?

Just give me this moment please.

As the rain drops from the sky

I felt so cold and empty.

Trying to find a comfort from within,

I tried chanting the best mantra to stop the rain.

But it seems now, everything is not working

The rain continues to pour like angry falls

Thunder and lightning appear

Leaving me unguarded and fragile

I can’t think of any reason why this happen

I wasn’t bad to you at all

Nor give you any reason to put me in this fate

Coffee Dreams

Posted: 23 October 2011 - 5 comment(s)[ Comment ]

We were young then,

So in love and fascinated with each other.

With our world so apart

We still manage to find ways to see each other.

In Coffee Dreams, together we connect our worlds

Creating a most-wanted world by anybody.

Everything was perfect but;

Reality strikes me.

Months from now you will be sailing farther from my world

Pain will be unbearable by then.

So as early as now, I'd rather loosen up the ropes and;

Let you sail to the other world.

While I remain strong and determined in the place where you left;

Looking at the bright lights of the Coffee Dreams.

The lights that remind me of your eyes...your smiles...

And the memories we had which will now be part of my coffee dreams.

Sweetest Goodbye

Posted: 2 April 2011 - 8 comment(s)[ Comment ]

Category: Scribbles

I came across to a lovely creature months ago

A creature that ruined the silence of the day

But somehow so good that I can not say no

Even if I know the request is out of my way

Sweet moments came as fast as night came after broad daylight

Laughters echoed in the air sending the birds away

Kisses and hugs filled the emptiness that once succumbed in our lonely flight

Everything we had now is what I wish and pray.

Then, a knock on the door disturbed the comfort we now had

I was lost and left undecided...turned between the lovely creature and the knock

The feeling of discomfort and guilt made me sad

For the knock reminded me of the tick-tock of the clock

The tick-tock of the clock that I used to listen with my girl

The girl that I abandon because of the lovely creature that I saw

The girl that I slowly learn to let go just to have a thrill

The girl that I consider as an inspiration as I draw

You and my girl will never be the same

I do not know if I have destiny or fate to be blame

Or myself for such a failure in controlling my emotions

And letting myself be drown in confusions

I will love you my lovely creature forever

As this feeling I have for you I doubt will die

But I must stand to answer the knock of my lover

As I say to you the sweetest goodbye.

Mask

Posted: 3 October 2010 - 2 comment(s)[ Comment ]

Have you ever attended a masquerade ball? Well, I did a year ago. I can still remember the glamorous gowns of my officemates and their elaborate masks. Everyone carries a sophisticated aura with a mask on.
Wearing a mask is a must in a masquerade ball. But for me, wearing a mask is usually part of my daily attire. I usually wear a mask if I am sad. It is not because I am not true to myself but because I know that others will not be happy seeing me sad (not unless they are against my happiness). I believe that it is my responsibility to make others happy, to let them see and appreciate life and see things in a lighter view. If I will be wearing a sad smile, for sure no one will approach me to ask for help and of course they will feel sadder. How can I make them happy if I am not wearing a smile? It is impossible that one will believe me if I will tell them how beautiful life is if they will see that I am not happy also.
I know it is hard to pretend that you feel good even if you are hurting inside. As for me, it is easy because I am looking on the positive view. Hearing a ‘thank you’ from someone is enough for me to forget the pain. Seeing others smile because of me is enough reason for me to take off the mask and wear a real smile.

Success doesn't come in one stick

Posted: 7 August 2010 - 2 comment(s)[ Comment ]

Category: General

A smoker was smoking at the airport.

A gentleman came and asked him, "How much do you smoke a day?"

Smoker: "Why?"

Gentleman: "If you had collected the money instead of smoking, the plane which is in front of you would have been yours."

Smoker: "Do you smoke?"

Gentleman:"No."

Smoker: "Is that plane yours?"

Gentleman: "No."

Smoker: "Thanks for your advice. But that plane is mine."

I received this text from my sister. It is so inspiring. Lesson? We should not judge the person right away.

We should know him/her first. Just like what happen on the conversation above,the gentleman did not give the smoker a chance to prove himself.

He directly judge the smoker. The smoker on the other hand is humble enough not to be angry and react violently to the gentleman's comment

If we will analyze the conversation, the gentleman's approach is offensive but the smoker is so cool to answer his questions.

It is inspiring because we seldom meet people who are so cool in facing queries that are offensive. The smoker is also grounded inspite of his success in life.

Smoking is bad for our health but we can not deny that it can also give relief to us especially if we are nervous or troubled. So even if you smoke or not, your

success still lies to the efforts you exerted in achieving your dreams.

Live Life Today

Posted: 19 July 2010 - 0 comment(s)[ Comment ]

Category: General

This is an email sent by a friend and I find it worth sharing to everybody. The story is simple but it touched me so much.

It makes me realize that life ends and that we need to live everyday to the fullest for we do not know when we are going to say goodbye to this lovely world. Being sorry is not bad...having regrets is not bad...but do we have to be sorry or regret things if we can do better than that?

I guess if only everybody will live life beautifully then no one will regret or felt bad.

So let's say:

Hi world!

Smile!

Enjoy!

Below is the email...

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.'

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box..

'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is it.

He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died.

He turned to me and said:

'Never save something for a special occasion.

Every day in your life is a special occasion'.

I still think those words changed my life.

Now I read more and clean less.

I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through.

I no longer keep anything.

I use crystal glasses every day...

I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.

I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to.

The words 'Someday.... ' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary.
;
If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now.....

I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell.

I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.

I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food.

It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come...

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one..

If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about.

If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it 'One of these days' , remember that 'One day' is far away... or might never come.....

Unsaid Gratitude

Posted: 29 June 2010 - 0 comment(s)[ Comment ]

Category: Scribbles

After one year, eleven months and twenty days I said goodbye to my first job. It was not easy for me for I learned to love what I am doing and the people I am working with. Maybe it’s my word that gave me strength to finally let go and move on. However something is bothering me until now. I wasn’t able to say goodbye and express my gratitude to the person who inspired me. I guess it was meant to happen…not to see her on my last night…though I felt bad because I didn’t get a chance to talk to her. She was out two days before I left and I was on off two days prior to her absence. What happened was a blessing in disguise for me before I got her call. After the call, I was bothered. No one knew how I felt and I’d rather not talk about it.

Missing the chance of talking to you personally during my last day hit me so hard. I don’t want to have another mistake and leave things be unsaid forever. So here I am now trying to amend things and close the deal. First, I want to express my never ending gratitude for everything. You taught me a lot of things. I will never forget the first time you went to our area to teach me how to do the break schedule. I was in bad mood that time…so desperate to finish the file yet I can’t do it right. I’m so pissed off but you humbly went there to explain to me how it works. Viola! I got it. Without your guidance, maybe I did not last long on the job. I also learned that nothing is impossible. We can always make impossible things possible to happen if we will just try and believe that we can actually do it. Flowers ramp? Oh! How can I forget that…the headache, the meetings, the arguments, the planning, the training schedules, and most of all getting the agents attend the trainings? It was damn so hard but you made a great job. Everything was all set just before the ramp. I admire you for being cool and calm. Thank you for listening…for letting me explain and defend myself if something went wrong…for not judging me right away. Those made me see you as an ideal boss…a real leader. I sometimes thought you are demanding…you want to make things done so quick that I don’t know what abracadabra I should use. But after I’m done doing the file or report, I am thankful that my boss is demanding. Why? Because you bring out the best in me. Without you, I will never know that I can work so fast…that I can go beyond people’s expectations…and that I have the skills and knowledge. Second, my sincerest apologies for my lapses, for not meeting the deadlines sometimes, for missing the meetings because I am absent, for failing you sometimes, and most of all for not saying goodbye to you. I may not be given a chance to say all of these to you in person but I am glad that I was able to express it.

I am glad that I knew you. You are such a great person, a best boss one could wish for, a great friend who cares, and a great mom. I salute you for your achievements. Keep inspiring people and touching people’s lives. Thank you, Ms Mj.

For the Last Time

Posted: 2 June 2010 - 0 comment(s)[ Comment ]

Category: Scribbles

Indeed time flies so fast. I won’t be seeing her anymore. The excuses I have in mind are now useless for she is gone.

“You are leaving tonight…” the voice of my father echoed in my ears.

His voices awaken my senses. From a deep slumber, I hurriedly threw away my covers and ran for a bath. I can not understand the different emotions within me. That time all I want is to have a bath and be out from home. My mind was shouting her name. I have to see her before I go… for the last time.

The traffic jams were killing me. I felt cheated. I felt the world was against me. But no one can stop me now. Even if I have to walk just to see her. I could hear the beating of my heart. My sweat was falling. I could hear my head buzzing. However, my desire to see her over powers everything. I texted her to let me see her. Gladly she agreed.

When I arrived in the school, I felt so light. I waited for her because she said she still has something to finish. It seemed like I waited for hours. I was about to feel sorry fro myself thinking that she might have changed her mind. But alas! My no longer mystery girl was just a distant away from me. Yes, she was walking towards me with her sweet-seductive smile.

The heck! If she only knew her smile melted my heart…that on that very moment I am dying to hug and kiss her. But I am holding back my feelings back. The thought of losing her just because of my actions ached in my heart.

We simply exchanged greetings as she sat next to me. It was as if we both ran out of words. I felt great knowing that the girl I longed to see was just right beside me.

Minutes had passed and we stated to chat. She handed me her pic__ the pic she was telling me about days ago. As I got the pic in my hand, my mouth dropped. Damn! She is gorgeous! Her eyes down to her lips__ perfect! I wanted to keep the pic with me but the cat ate my tongue. I have no nerve to ask her pic.

It was getting late, thus, we decided to leave the school. As we walked, I wanted to hold her hand but I found no reasons to do it. I cannot think of any excuses just to be able to hold her hand. Therefore, we ended up walking side by side.

The hardest part is to say goodbye to her. As I sat next to her in the jeep, I was wondering if I would be hearing the words, “Just stay here…” from her. I acted as if everything was just fine even if my heart was crying deep inside.

I even argued with her fro she wanted to pay my fare. However, latter won. I felt broken to argue with her further. Thus, I let her pay.

The jeep stooped __ time for me to go. For the last time, I looked at her face trying to remember every contour of it, in a soft voice I uttered my most unwanted word…bye!

I rushed out from the jeep without looking back. My heart ached. I tried to control my tears from falling but it was too late. My cheeks were already wet with tears. I tried to hide it from curious onlookers. However, I gave up pretending to be fine.

I promised to myself that this would be my last time of pretending. It hurts more when you know deep inside you are falling to a person who just treat you as a friend…just a mere friend.

Time Flies

Posted: 2 June 2010 - 0 comment(s)[ Comment ]

Category: Scribbles

Never would I think that the person I have been keeping an eye for years would become close to me.

My days in the university never give much excitement to me except class openings. I am so eager to have another year of struggle to pass all the paperwork needed and be included on the top. But what give me more interest in class openings are the opportunities of seeing and meeting the people, I used to see and the new ones.

I have a particular person that I am always looking forward to see. She outstands among the others for carries herself in a different way plus the beauty that exudes her. Seeing her along the way as I walk towards our building makes me give a sigh and swear to the air that someday I will know her. That time the only information I have about her is that she is from the other department for a couple of times I saw her walking and coming out from the other building.

It was a year ago that I got fuzzy on the idea of connecting people and narrowing the distance by creating real friendship in the text world. Knowing how technology works that it sometimes not work on our advantage, I tried to get a good grip on the people who join the group.

One time I received a beep from an unknown number with a name, age, and location. After exchanging information, I have known her name is Shiela. Never in my dreams that I suspected that the person I was was texting that time the same person had I wished to know. We exchange quotes and greetings by then. But after sometime, she quitted for the reason that she is busy with her studies. Her absence does not make a change except for a regret of letting her go without knowing her better. Weeks after, I received an inspiring forwarded message from an unknown sender who later introduced herself as Shiela. I was glad to have her back even though she was not confirming that she wants to join again. I was puzzled how her studies could be so busy to make her decide to quit which led to my curiosity. I let my sources work to find information about her.

Bingo! My friend pointed my mystery girl and whispered, "That is Shiela…". I was shocked trying to make my mind works if I am hearing the right words. However, yes, no doubt my mystery girl is indeed Shiela.

Having the fear of missing again the opportunity of getting close to her, I begun sending her messages. We even sometimes exchange words but I was the only one who knows her personally. It was during the time when we conducted our study that I got the nerve of extending my thank you to her. She was simply amazing. I was expecting a simple your welcome reply like anybody does but it did not happen. She instead sends her regrets why I did not introduce myself to her. However, I guess I still need to eat plenty of chocolates to boost my confidence to make my existence be notice.

Late afternoon of February 26 of this year, my mind was flying but timely enough to get my senses back before I bump myself to my no longer mystery girl. I was flushed for the next thing I noticed was her face in front of me. I was not expecting on that encounter that I forgot my etiquette that it is rude to stare. It was after she was steps away from me that I realized the look I did to her.

Last day of February was the time I came face to face with her__ this time with enough courage to claim that I am the star who watches her from the distance. After that short talk, days will not end without our talks and greetings. My day will not be complete without seeing her or knowing how she is doing. Everything seems like an open book to us. We share thoughts and problems like old friends do. It seems we have known each other for so long. Nevertheless, she never stops amazing me. One time she sounded so down, fragile and about to break. I was not expecting it at all because the personality she projects is far away from the personality she claims she has. Upon knowing her entirety, it made me realized that I am destined to know her. She needs my words of encouragement to make her confident.

Together we discover the gem she has and I believe this year will not end without her realizing how amazing she is. It maybe not that long that we used on seeing each other but we cannot dismiss the fact that time files. She will be moving on her career. This may mean she will be leaving me. However, it excites me to see her walk in the aisle to claim her diploma. The time that was given to us to be together may be short. However, for me it was worth more than a thousand years. I will forever cherish the memories we had.

My mystery girl slowly unfolds herself embracing what the world may offer. For her, "I wish you all the blessings as you conquer the world with your charm."

Moonlight and the Air

Posted: 2 June 2010 - 0 comment(s)[ Comment ]

Category: Scribbles

Moonlight

The moon stares at me

Mocking at my painful fate

Challenging my quest

For my own ill-fated love

Leaving my soul to shiver

Behold thy Air

The air soothes my heart

Embracing my whole being

Blowing all my fears

The wind whispers its secret to my heart

Where I find its voice as the greatest art.

Shakira Xianyan

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