I was about to sleep (12:33 am) but then i saw the stuff toy my friend Kathy Liu from china gave me. My mind starts to travel backwards to those happy times in china but all of a sudden my memory stop and liked stocked in a time where in i had the worst humiliation in my entire stay in that country.

There was a conference before or more like a training for English teachers on how to teach English. Me and my friend Kathy attend the training it’s free and we heard the speaker is from one of the best English language school in London.

So we went with the hope that were going to really learn a lot from it but upon entering the hall where were the training will be held we were greeted by this two guys (which I have learn later on that they are from the united states)

With all smile they say ni hao! And of course with my little knowledge in the language I said ni hao. Though they were friendly but the next question changed all the vibe in that room.

Guy one: are you sure you are English teachers?

Kathy: huh! “it’s not that she don’t understand the question, it’s because the question was sarcastic”

Guy one: oh! Sorry, except your pretty face of course you don’t understand my question so let me rephrase it using your broken English… so! You “pointing at us” English teachers, sure?? Sure??

Jen: (I was angry already at that time, I want to kick his balls but I can’t make a scene so I just grab kathy’s hands and walk towards a vacant seat. With her looks I can feel she wants to cry)

But the last part of the second guys words are the words I can’t take!

Second guy: hey! You two! We can teach you free English in return teach us how you moan in bed in your own language. “and they laugh with a matching high five”

Jen: well how about I kick your balls and teach me how to say it hurts in your language.

I was really furious that time, call me bitch but I feel happy when the other people in the room laugh at them.

So all I’m saying is that, if there is anyone in here who think that Asians are just a pretty face with broken English well think again. We are more than that… and it’s not because you speak English don’t make you the man…

lets start with how i found this site! i was in ******** mand then a friend of mine send me a link which was sent to her and this was the site. Thats just how i found it.

at first i just though its just another west meets east kind of thing but then when i tried to log in every day for two weeks (thanks for the holiday) i come to closer understanding on what is really all about.

I dont know the owner but i would like to thank him for bringing us closer to the world where in we or maybe i have neber been before even in dreams and with the help of books and e-books. Meeting friends was my main reason why i was here but sinse people from different culture gather here i became more interested in trying to learn language which sadly i failed... (lol) at first i want to improve my hangul and my Nihongo but the problem is that i became more interested in the bad words than the good words. Then i stop coming here, blame it to work (lol) then i came again since i came across a book about indangered asian culture, cultures that has been a part of my existence.

I came to read blogs wishing i can find articles that may lead me into better understanding on who am I. Sadly i did not find any at all. There is no better way to learn culture than to learn it from people whos every single cell is conected to that culture.

Well i guess i have to start it with me if i want to do something else. Let me Start with my intruduction of my tribe. I belong to the so called Igorots, we are just a minor tribe living in the northern Luzon of the philippines. We were called the head hunters and i can say we were but that was before its a different thing now. No matter how we value our own culture and tradition we still know what's in season or not. My tribe though we are one we speak different dialects i'm not sure how many but i came to learn across 16 but there are more than that.

well that is just a glimps of what my culture is... (there are a lot more filipino culture but i just started with where i was raised before going to what i have learn)... let me learn about your culture too....

 since i was 16 i am already the so called independent, working on my own, paying for my own bill and school.  It was fun it adds a bit of someone else pride but i just notice that every time i came home "well i still call it a home" i am treated more like a guest than a family. It's not that i' complaining not helping in the household chores is not my kind of thing anyway, it's just that it's different, back then when i was still living with my parents i have to do this and that for my self i can still remember daddy's coffee every morning but then when i tried to make him coffee just like i use to back then he said i should let my younger sister do it. 

It feels so strange when i have to ask where is this and that when i spent half of my life in that place and nothing has changed that much. I use to just storm in my sisters room to get extra sheets/pillows and she don't mind but now i feel different i have to knock and asked her to give it to me. (no body asked me to i just feel like i have to) my sister used to just enter in my room and ask for this and that, she even know where i hide my novels and i don't mind (back then mom wont allow us to read romance novels)but now when she needed something she knocks and don't inter until i told her so. Even my four bedroom wall physically nothing has changed i still have it's key and no else have a duplicate i still feel like i'm a stranger to this room.

It's so sad but sometimes i feel more at home in Hotels, motels, transient houses where i spent my nights during travels than in my own bedroom. I feel more comfortable in my convertible sofa in my office than in my own bed at home...

is it just me or it's just something normal...??

i have been craving for this food even before, but i can't find one that is as good as shakeys...

anyone who worked in shakyes here before... (lol) kidding!

wish i can know their recipie...

 we often say that justice is the best way to have peace of mind!

on the current situation of HK and Philippines, Justice has been serve, the government issued an apology,  those people involved are already in jail and almost filipino people are saying sorry to the chinese community...

but what did china do! they blocked all entry to mainland, they terminate their workers in HK and some of them trow acid wash to filipinas in HK! what else do they want us to do... we already said whats supposed to be said... we asked for forgiveness even if we know that we have nothing to do with it...  ad still this is what they want to do, to make the innocent suffer...

let us not forget the fact that there are many death of filipinos in HK than the death of HK people in the philippines and let us not forget that Chinese people also kill their own people...

to me the chinese government is acting like a kid,,, a kid!! they need to grow up!

did they say they are sorry when calamity killed thousand of chinese people because of substandard buildings, did they say they are sorry when toxic materials of toys killed hundred of babies all around the world... did they say they are sorry when SARS killed hundreds of people because their government neglect to do thier job... did they say they are sorry when melamin killed a lot of people because some chinese officials want to control chinas population?? NO! NEVER did they say they are sorry! never did they say it's their fault... NO BODY! admits it!

so why the range! WHY!

we are all Victims!

 it's such a shame that the Philippines is again an international sensation in a negative way. 

 yep! finally i'm out of that apartment...  new place is a nice little one. Not as big as the old one but i like it i feel so alive in here... you can hear people talking in the hallway and really it makes me feel like i belong to the human race.

the old one is that aside from me there's no one talking, if you meet them in the hallway no one will say hi or great you even if you do. Well i guess because they are all busy to even smile... i have been living there for like how many months already but still i dont know the name of the cute guy living next door all i know is he's gay... i don't observe them but my friends told me she saw him in a gay bar... 

this new place is so different! you go out of your room and then you meet people in the hallways they will respond to your hi or hello... and on my first day i already know the names of all the tenants  and i love it this way...

 okey i was watching this video about woman being the one to propose on a leap year! this is the only date in the calendar where woman can propose. this is 02/29 and this date comes only in every for years or maybe less i'm not sure...

the point!! really??? why should man always have to be the one to propose? like why? aren't we born equal..what if the man don't have the balls enough to pop up the question... will the girl have to wait for a lifetime just for this no balls man ask the question??

in my point of view... though i'm not saying that i'm about to do it... i think woman should not be a victim of this kind of stereotyping thing... go for it! why do you have to wait for a leap year to propose... if i'm the woman and i'm running for a date... i think i will do it myself...

i mean it's better to know if he's going to marry you if he says no then time to move on at least you have known it earlier rather than expecting something that is not going to happen at all...

so guys... what are your opinions... does it matter who proposed? and if you are a man what would you feel? if you are a woman will you do it??

 i don't know why i really hate the rain so much! maybe it's because i'm an outdoor girl and the rain makes me stay inside my room all day long! without the internet i would be dead by now! ugH! 

right now i'm typing this as i look into my window and i see those rains i feel like "hey girl you better stay in your room because i'm here to stay" i feel like i'm getting insane now. 

anyway i guess i want to think of a bright side of it. if i stay inside my room i would be able to finish the book that i just bought, i would be able to watch my korean dvd and watch tv though i think i already know whats in there since i already read the morning paper. right thats the good part of it to read and read and read until i live like a book!

hmp! okey so right now i'll leave my laptop on the table off to go to y bed so i can read and hopefully will be able to drift to sleep i feel so sleepy even though its just 3:57

 this is a story about a friend of mine! i meet her a while ago for dinner and i was shocked that she is pregnant i was about to congratulate her but i don't see any wedding ring or a trace of it in her finger. 

i set in there and talk like i did not notice anything we smile but i notice she is looking for something maybe a word something that she wants to hear or maybe a question that she wants to hear, but she did not hear it so she asked me herself..

are you not going to ask where's the father of this baby i'm carrying, i was speechless but i acted i was about to ask but the act was so lame that she notice. and then she tell me story glad that i did bring a tissue... i was crying all the time but she was not and i asked her why and she said she manage to practice not to cry because she is already tired of it..

here's the story!!

She meet a man in a dating site and she falls in love with him so she traveled hundreds if not thousand miles away from home to see this man in his country. The first time they meet they both know that something is wrong and they will never make it to the relationship. Sad thing is they are both afraid to hurt each other so they stay together and of course if two people are sleeping together temptation comes (she was just a poor girl she don't have a money to afford her own place) then she got pregnant.

she came home, since that man already found another woman and maybe she think she loves him to set him free... the man send's her money "which if it was me i will never accept it" but i know she needed it with the society she's living with and her status as a single mom there's no way she can have a decent job unless she will hide her status as a single mom. "yeah i know i hate this kind of society" . She practically don't go out in her place, only when she needed to have food of go to a doctor. 

She have this heart condition and it's risky for her to carry a baby thats why she have to go to the doctor at least once a weak to check and she does that. "her family don't have enough to afford this kind of life style" thats why she have to accept his financial help even if she don't want to do it. For now she don't have a choice. The doctor say she has to be in bed a total bed rest but what can she do she needs to work.  Good thing is she's working at home there's not much risk "online teacher" she is a teacher before she left the country and now she cant get a decent teaching job because of her situation. Sometimes i think she should have aborted the baby when the guy asked her too but she is so afraid to do so so she just decided to come home. 

Talking about financial help the guy pay her place and send her money for other expenses like 200usd a month, which is a pretty penny in my country but for a pregnant girl who needs vitamin and medicine who don't get anything from her parents i don't think it is a good money. The Money was good at first but then as time goes by it decrease with a lot of excuses. 

The reason I meet him is she needed money to have her ultra sound just like what the doctor asked her to do but she don't have money. So she needed some... too bad that right now i'm broke too i have enough to pay half of her bill because she need to stay in the hospital for at least two days since she feel some pain in her stomach. The guy said he will send but the he was not able to do so since he is busy.

a five minutes walk to the atm machine and a 3 minutes maybe less to do transfer thats 8 minutes you cant do it, how can you be so busy when you have one hour lunch break... at least thats how long a lunch break in a regular office... the point is if you really want to do it then you can find ways to do it if you don't give a sh*t on it then nothing will really happen!!

this thing happen when you don't really mean a thing to the guy but you have to look up to him since you have no choice!!

-=WHAT A CRUEL WORLD WE LIVE IN=-

 i went to attend my sisters capping!! mom and dad can't make it thats why i have to go even if i don't want too. 

anyway lets get the story short since i am too sleepy! when they are already awarding the capping i feel pity for my sister. all her classmates are with their parents "BOTH" and she is only with me who is so bored and bugging her what time will the occasion ends because i want to go home.  She just said i have to wait for few more minutes i was so insensitive.. 

after the ceremony and it's time for picture taking with the parents she was left alone because those who have parent will take the picture first and she was not with mom and dad. I don't know what she's feeling deep inside but i know she feels terrible inside behind those smile she gave me while she asked me to take picture with her as parents and how she explains to her classmates that mom and dad can't make it. 

she was brave to put on a smile for three hours with out any signs of sadness but if only people look in her eyes the way i did... behind that smile is an empty heart wishing maybe mom and dad is here to watch her get the cap!!!

sometimes in our life we have to mask a smile just so other people will think were doing fine but sometimes when something is missing we don't have to pretend that we don't long for it... because the more it hurts the more we long for it....

anyway to my sister congratulation to you future nurse!!

 guys!!

it's 11:12 in the evening here and I and my friend  are so bored so we decided to do something stupid tonight!! we are going to the street where prostitute usually stay and wait for costumers, we are going to take pictured and if we are lucky ask some questions and and if we are luckier they will answer... i know this is a bit stupid but what can we do we are so bored... 

so anyway we are going now and of course it's not easy to post pictures here since its kindah censored but we will try to post some which are a little bit decent... if we are lucky to at least take some...

wish us good luck people!!

 okey just few minutes ago i was chatting to this guy (indian) whom i meet in this site... he was nice at first if calling you fat us being nice at all. so we chatted and then he goes on and on about this like body kind of thing and i don't think i need to elaborate...

i said i was chatting with my students too and he said like he don't believe my students wants to see my body!!! whats the effiinngg connection of talking with my students and my body!! is he effiinngg crazy and he said i don't understand.... he mean to say his English... a no brainer kid will understand what he said and his words is not even so deep that even the most idiot person ever live will understand what he mean...

he talks like you are alone in your house so you can run naked and watch porn and so what is the connection... and he tell me that i put pictures on fb without wearing a bra... duh!! christ sake has this guy never been in bed with a woman who is wearing a strapless bra... but well it's no shocking at all if he did not have anything like that at all... who would want to slept with this guy who has the most efffiiinnnggg attitude at all.... ugh!!!! someone should help this guy about how to define his words.... 

heaven sakes anyone in india who has a sare dictionary for this guy!!! 

i just came from the hospital and i dont want to be back in there because of this idiot.

he really pissed me off...

 people who came to the Philippines most if not all know how warm people here are. Even to the extent of sacrificing their own need just to make the guest comfortable.  There are so many scenario that i want to share.

Scene One at Home : When i was in high school we had a visitor "that was my very first time for me to have my own computer in my room so don't really want to get out of it even for just a minute" but we had this visitor a couple, they are actually distance relative. at home we only have five bedrooms. My mom and dads room, mine, my two sisters room and the maids room. in other word every time we have visitors one sister has to sleep with other sister and since i'm the first child i'm the first to be asked to move (ugh) and that's what happen this time i don't want to but with the "do it" look in my mothers eyes then i have to do it. though i guess i'm being a little bit selfish on that...

Scene Two at The Hospital: i had a friend who came here to the Philippines to visit and then he was so unlucky because he got sick and we are in the middle of no where down south of this country, even me that is my very first time to go to that place so i know nothing at all. anyway we went to the hospital and to make the story short there are lots of patient using the corridor as a room but then they gave one room to my friend and i know the reason just because he is a foreigner and the nurse told me that the other patient in the hospital are used to that situation and they know that my friend is not (sure he's not) but the thing is we were the last one to arrive but anyway that is what we call hospitality. 

Scene Three The Line : "this one makes me real mad" i was with an american friend i SM (shoe Mart in Baguio) and the taxi line is too long but since this friend of mine is disable we fall in line to the disable line and we got the taxi first but what piss me off is that this american friend proudly and boldly said "see i told you i can do everything that i want in here, see i can even get a taxi first just because of my skin yeah man just because i'm american" what happen next is a bit funny because the man who let us take the taxi first said "no we let you take the taxi first because you are disable and we pity you" every one in the line laugh including those white guys (3 of them)...  The hospitality in there is that they did not mock on my friend so hard... if thats in the other part of the world he will be mocked for his attitude. 

Scene Four at My Aunts Home: this happen when i visited my cousin in Isabela where in it's too hot and knowing that i'm from Baguio (the coldest place in the country) my aunt put me in a room (which is her sons room) that have aircon while her son sleep in a room with just electric fun. of course i want that kind of thing or treatment who wants to sleep with no aircon in a place s hot as isabela but i still feel guilty about my cousin sleeping in another room without it.

***actually there are more but i feel sleepy now hahaha so i will write some more later when i get home***

 finally i'm out of this place. Hospitals are really the last place on earth i would like to be. "not unless i'm so sick just like now i mean yesterday" (though i'm still happy that i found this site just because i'm bored and i got nothing to do)...

anyway the doctor says i'm free to go at six (that is like five hours from now) it means i still have time to kill. i was thinking of buying the Salt (dvd) to watch when i get home i heard from ******** friends its a good one. I hope it's really a good one because i'm so bored and i don't want to get home and be back to this hospital just because i'm sick of being bored (LOL)

anyway one more thing i want to get out from this hospital is so eefffiiinnnggg crazy!! talking about the fee i just got my bill 15 minutes ago and wow really just for 24 hour stay with two IV's i will pay 8600 that is around 220usd!! like really are you kidding me, i did not even stay in the private room, and the food was so disgusting i almost did not even eat, if only i can take the tabs without eating anything i would. 

but well i think i have to look the bright side of it, this hospital admit patient even without initial payment or deposit not like Hospital in Isabela where in even if the patient is dying they will never accept them unless they give money or give land titles.  So i'm still happy that i'm not in that kind of place. 

anyway time for meds (it's 2pm and i'm counting)

 love is in the air this time... i have this friend i was talking to him on the phone just a minute and now i'm browsing his ********  profile and there it goes, the status has been single for five years though during those time he's been connected  with girls some i know some i don't... but he never ever change his status no matter how many times the girls asked him too do so... there was even a time where in the girl dump him just because he don't want to change his status... i kindah understand where she's coming from most if not all girls want the world to know about the man they are with specially if they are in the state of "love ever after".. 

well the story is this this time he changed his status and wow there it goes he's not just in a relationship, he's engage can you believe it... what's funny is that he's on the phone right now.. 'sorry i'm really the kind of girl who wants to know more specially things like this... for me this is breaking history'  and i am asking him what happen and who is the unlucky girl "kidding he's kind of  play boy but he knows how to treat his woman right' and then what shocks me is that he just meet this girl 3 months ago then he asked her to marry him after two months thats the reason he is engage now!! so i say like what... i even joked to him that are you really sure theres no divorce in the Philippines so he better make it sure...

he said this very exact word : I KNOW SHE IS THE ONE THE FIRST TIME I MEET HER AND I CANT LOOSE THE CHANCE TO BE WITH HER I THINK I MIGHT DIE IF SHE WONT BE MINE FOR-EVER" 

and i was whew!! thats heavy!!! and i can't believe it from the boy who always tell me "YOU KNOW JEN GUYS DON'T REALLY FALL IN LOVE THEY DO BUT MOST DON'T LAST" 

anyway then i realize ah! maybe people are right when they say no one gets choke from swallowing his words and pride!!!

anyway he's a good guy and that girl "yes i don't know that girl, he promise he will let me meet her when they are not busy!! wonder what keeps them busy these days hehehe" is so lucky to have him in her life... he is really a good man...

 things don't really happen as we plan. most of the time things happen unexpected...  i was chatting with this friend of mine when i was shocked about what he told me. that there is a girl who hated me so much just because i slept with her friend. actually this girl also is a friend of mine, i meet her during those travel time abroad. 

anyway this guy is a close friend and nothing really happen its just that i did it for her too. i told her something really happen to us but nothing really happen. the story is this he is married with three beautiful kids "i wish the one with green eyes grow faster hehe" and she is married with two kids too... for the guy he can marry four woman because of his religion and he is open to that but he is man enough to say no to her because he don't want to break a family, but for her she is so willing to leave her kids and husband and family back home just to be with him... isn't that outrageous.. 

what piss me off is that she getting angry about this kind of thing... first why should she get angry he's not her BF he's just a friend, second is she crazy boys will always be boys... most of them would take the chance of any hot chick is willing to open her legs for him... though this friend of mine, he's not really that kind... he is the kind of man who cares about feelings... 

"sigh"